Trusting God in Our Inadequacies

I am terrified of public speaking. And by public, I mean 2 or more people.

This may come as a surprise to some of you who have seen me in leadership roles or circumstances where public speaking is a necessity. While my exterior may exude confidence and poise, my insides are a mess. My body feels tense, I get short of breath, and am usually overcome by an unusual amount of anxiety . . . I know, I know . . . quite dramatic.

But that’s my reality, my weakness . . . my Achilles heel.

So why put myself through this agony? Why not choose different routes that don’t lead to public speaking?

Simply put, it’s how I’m hardwired. My God-given gifts often lend themselves to roles where public speaking is part of the package. To not encounter this fear, would be to suppress my gifts, and that would be a disservice to Him.

But the divine beauty of this conundrum is that in my inadequacy, I can trust His adequacy.

When facing this fear, I often reflect on Exodus 4:10-16:

“But Moses said to the Lord, “Oh, my Lord, I am not eloquent, either in the past or since you have spoken to your servant, but I am slow of speech and of tongue.” Then the Lord said to him, “Who has made man's mouth? Who makes him mute, or deaf, or seeing, or blind? Is it not I, the Lord? Now therefore go, and I will be with your mouth and teach you what you shall speak.” But he said, “Oh, my Lord, please send someone else.” Then the anger of the Lord was kindled against Moses and he said, “Is there not Aaron, your brother, the Levite? I know that he can speak well. Behold, he is coming out to meet you, and when he sees you, he will be glad in his heart. You shall speak to him and put the words in his mouth, and I will be with your mouth and with his mouth and will teach you both what to do. He shall speak for you to the people, and he shall be your mouth, and you shall be as God to him.”

When God gives you a task, He will make a way

Moses was commissioned by God to go to Pharaoh and ultimately lead the Israelites out of captivity in Egypt to salvation in the Promised Land. But Moses balked at the idea of public speaking, realizing his inadequacy in this particular area. God sought to quell Moses’ anxiety, rhetorically reminding Moses of his sovereign might and assuring him that he will be with him.

Psalm 57:2 reads “I cry out to God Most High, to God who fulfills His purpose for me.”

When David wrote this Psalm, he wrote it understanding and relishing in the fact that God’s providence is purely holy. He is the sovereign ruler of the universe! When the Sovereign Ruler’s will is “. . . good, acceptable, and perfect” (Romans 12:2) how much more can we trust Him when we feel inadequate in an area where He has specifically called us to be?!

He will not lead us only to abandon us. He will not forsake us. But we are not perfect. We are broken creatures living in a broken world. So, inevitably, there will be times of inadequacy. But God promised to fulfill His purpose for us, so although we might not always know HOW it will be fulfilled, we can peacefully rest in the assurance that it will indeed be fulfilled.

Knowing this has helped me to conquer this fear over and over again. Sometimes I may not FEEL like I can conquer it, or I may FEEL more overwhelmed than usual, but my feelings do not always accurately reflect truth . . . namely, God’s truth.

I know that no matter what . . . no matter what whim of emotions may flood me, His promises stand firm, and He promised “. . . to fulfill His purpose for me.”

So when this inadequacy wells up inside of me, I am reminded of the supreme adequacy of He who created all things. And in that, I echo Peter's sentiments: “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life.” (John 6:68)

God bless, beloved . . .